you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize