WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Two words: blizzard sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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