K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
