I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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