The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize