My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
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Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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