Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.