he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.