Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.