I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!