3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
