I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So many bounce houses so little time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
