i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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