Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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