i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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