I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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