just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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