I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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