so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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