I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
