Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm like, not good at living.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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