my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.