Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body