It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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