Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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