It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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