I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
