Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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