If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
