i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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