WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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