woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.