i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that