just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?