look no pants
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.