dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
