Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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