My nipple is on Facebook.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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