You can't special order awesome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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