4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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