I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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