What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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