I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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