So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
