well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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