Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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