As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
