I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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