Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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