We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..