I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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