can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
