i wish there were pregnant emoticons
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize