Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize