help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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