No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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